Day 2 Analysis

England vs. Paraguay

Mike's game was last seen on the back of a milk carton.

This was your typically edgy opening round game from a very talented squad worried about screwing anything up and hindering their chances to get out of the group. It happens a lot to good teams and is the classic symptom of "slow starter" disease. England got a bit lucky with their goal, but the defense played very well, and while Paraguay looked great when attacking the ball, they looked pretty mediocre when attacking with the ball. The heat out there must have been killer, because both teams looked completely spent early in the second half – this will be something to watch with other 9AM Eastern time games in the Cup, should the weather stay hot.

I hate to say this (and many of you might not agree), but Michael Owen has got to be kicked to the curb in favor of virtually anybody. He hasn’t looked dangerous against a single team, either in the prelims or in the Cup. He’s either still feeling his injury or is washed up, because he’s hardly troubled a single defender and actually seems to disappear from the pitch for minutes at a time. You might have missed the memo, Mr. Owen, but your David Copperfield act is not welcome in the confines of the football field, and particularly not when playing for your national team (you Newcastle folks are desperate for anybody to root for now that Shearer has retired and are therefore much more forgiving).

Didn’t Sven see this in training for the last month? Did he just think England’s defenders were too good and that’s the reason why Owen looked terrible? Jermaine Defoe or Marcus Bent should almost certainly be in the squad... as it is, it looks like they are stuck with creaky Mike at forward for the rest of the group phase, a vision that should be enough to make 50% of England throw up in their mouths.

Anyway, English fans need to relax a bit and realize that the team did enough to win and some elements of the squad are clearly still waiting to gel. Just ask Sweden if they’d rather be lucky than good right now, eh? If the boys still look lethargic and out of sync after game 3, that’s when you need to start to worry.

Oh, and in other news, Czech superduper hottie Petra Nemcova is apparently dating the utterly despicable James "You're Beautiful" Blunt, making me officially wish I could light myself on fire and live to tell the tale. In slightly less bitter news, I'm a bit creeped out by Michael Davies trying to make pants happen. It's so very English and Mean Girls at the same time. I find myself missing "I don't do mingers" already.

Sweden vs. Trinidad and Tobago

Look God, all Zlatan wants is a f*cking goal, okay?

My first thought about this game is still, “God, Zlatan is silky when he’s on the ball.” Unfortunately for him, despite an unjust sending off on the part of the referee (Avery John’s tackle was hard but fair, but from the vantage point of the referee it looked like he just went in two-footed. Unlucky.), Zlatan’s teammates were not linking up particularly well with him until the last 15 minutes or so, when Hislop and Sancho came up big again and again for T&T. The announcers in the States said the Hislop was their man of the match, but I thought the game that Carlos Edwards had at right back was outstanding and probably would have given it to him instead, though Hislop was hardly undeserving.

As the tournament goes on, watch which teams get good service from the wings and which ones don’t, and you’ll find it has an enormous impact on not only the pace of the game, but also on the results. You can’t attack most teams down the middle anymore – not even on breakaways – because the central defenders are all humans crossed with bull embryos at birth that are very good at their jobs. Teams need to open up the center of the field by playing it wide and then either putting accurate crosses into the box, or simply letting their offensive players beat a wide defender and create havoc. Without good service from the wings, it’s difficult to win football games, and Sweden’s service against T&T was pretty miserable.

The other problem with the Swedes was that they just weren’t putting any shots on goal from their central midfield. Hislop is old. By not testing his movement except from point blank range at pretty much any point during the 90, they narrowed their options a bit too much for my taste, missing out on a possible chink in the surprisingly stout T&T armor. Yorke came up big by cleaning up balls in the center in the first 45, stifling Sweden's attack from there in the first half, and it turned out to be a great result for T&T. Sweden certainly should have won this game, and they’ve dug a big hole for themselves now by drawing what should have been the easiest match in the group for them. They better beat Paraguay on Thursday or they could be done.

In other other news, apparently Katherine Heigl recently told FHM magazine "The guy I'm dating now is just so fantastic in bed that half the time I just want to leave the handcuffs on and say: 'I've got to run a few errands, but don't you move - I'll be back!"

Where exactly do we sign up to be that guy? I mean, I'll even wait in line for this one, just tell me where to stand.

Argentina vs. Ivory Coast

Toure and his teammates are officially dreamy.

If you haven’t been able to tell yet, I’m 100% on the Elephant bandwagon. Just call me Hannibal and set me loose on Rome. Two Arsenal players was enough to make me sit up and take notice, but watching Drogba, Zokora, Boka, and the Toure brothers play was cause for my first crush of the tournament.

Ivory Coast are dreamy.

Unfortunately, they were a bit unlucky today while Argentina managed just enough class to hang on. The first goal from the Argies came off of a poor clearance by Drogba himself, and Crespo poached it home like he has hundreds of other times. What is it about certain guys who always seem to be in the right place at the right time, even if they rarely display amazing skill? Someone should chart where his goals come from and teach forwards positional movement based on the results - I'm absolutely certain it would have a positive effect on their scoring patterns.

Anyway, while the first goal was simply scrappy, the second was classic Riquelme with a side of assistant referee. Crespo was clearly offside when the pass came in, and while some might feel it was passive, he was close enough to the ball and attempting to get involved in the play, which would have gotten him flagged probably 80% of the time. Not here. The rest of the maneuver was brilliant, with Saviola timing his run to perfection and Riquelme’s touch softer than a newborn baby’s bottom. Juan would be so much more likeable if he’d just smile once in a while.

I expected Ivory Coast to be nervy after the first goal, but they never showed it, taking the game right back at Argentina for the entirety of both halves and creating numerous decent chances, including one that Abbondanzieri had to save with his crotch. Goalies are supposed to use every inch of their bodies to keep their team in the game, but those particular inches are above and beyond the call of duty. In the end, Drogba was able to get one back about ten minutes after the ref ignored a possible penalty for them, but it wasn’t enough and Argentina held on for the victory. Regardless of the result, IC made a lot of fans today, though I’m sure they’d trade every one of them for a berth into the knockout rounds. With good results against the Dutch and the Serbs, they still have a chance.

Oh, and with Heinze and Ayala squared away and (relatively) healthy in the back (they faded a bit towards the end), Argentina look very strong. We’ll have to wait and see if they continue to look that way should a future opponent do what Arsenal did in the Champions League, and completely mark Riquelme out of the game.

One final note before I sign off for the evening: For those who like a little beer with their football, Left Hand Brewing Company's Imperial Stout is officially amazing. That is all.